And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
