Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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