Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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