She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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