I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
