I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
