I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize