the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
