Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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