So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
