Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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