We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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