I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm always down for nudity.
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