You can't motorboat a personality
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
