It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
