I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
