I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
