and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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