Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
