My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
