I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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