my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
