You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
