i may or may not be watching the land before time
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I lost the right to judge tonight
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
