I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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