make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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