I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
