I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
