Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
