you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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