I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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