He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
