Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
