man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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