My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
