she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
