Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
