Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You smell like stripper and shame
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
