I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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