Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
