I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
