I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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