His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
