Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
