I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
