dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
