$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
