onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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