and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What a dumb baby whore.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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