She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
