i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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