Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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