Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
