We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
