If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
