i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
