I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
