it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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