I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
