next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
