The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
