So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
