please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
