There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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