Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
