Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
