yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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