Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
