It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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