ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
