Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
