i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive