wrigley field is MILF paradise
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it