As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.