Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
