guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
